


Montana

by saddle_tramp



Category: Jeremiah (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:19:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddle_tramp/pseuds/saddle_tramp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rating:  PG-13 for language and sexual situations</p><p>Pairing:  Kurdy/Jeremiah<br/>Spoilers:  Entire series through Interregnum.</p><p>Summary:  Kurdy and Jeremiah had put several months of work into stabilizing the treaty signed at Four Roads before they finally got some time off, just in time for the hottest part of the summer. Taking a vacation sounded like a great idea, but things didn't turn out quite like Jeremiah had planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Montana

 

Kurdy sat down on the bank of the wide river to watch Jeremiah trying to peel off his pants. The weather was nice for the moment but it had been hot for days and sweating just didn't mix well with tight leather. The black leather of Jeremiah's favorite pants was practically glued to his skin, and the faces Jeremiah was making as he peeled them down were priceless.

"Something funny, Kurdy?" Jeremiah asked, giving him a dirty look as he tugged another layer of skin off the back of this thigh. It was _past_ time to move north again. Markus would just have to live without them for a while; he wanted to find some tall timber, maybe even a nice snowy mountain. Jeremiah hated summertime with a passion.

Kurdy grinned. "Just thinkin' about the first time I watched you scrambling out of those pants. It was all I could do not to laugh at you then, too."

"I'm glad I still amuse you, man." Jeremiah finally got the leather pants off and threw them further up the bank to keep them away from the water, then started towards the log that had fallen across the river.

"You ought to be pretty damned happy, then." Kurdy smirked and leaned back on his elbows to watch Jeremiah pick his way along the log out over the deepest part of the river. The slanting light of late afternoon caught Jeremiah's hair and the golden tan on his face and hands, making the rest of him seem even paler by comparison. Jeremiah had a habit of wearing his leather pants and beat-up old army jacket all of the time no matter what the weather was, and his lean body looked like it hadn't _ever_ seen the light of day.

The first time Kurdy had ever seen Jeremiah, he was fishing on that same log. It felt like it was centuries ago now, but it hadn't even been three years. Jeremiah wasn't as skinny as he used to be, and his pale body wasn't quite as flawless as it had been that first time Kurdy saw him, but it was hard to fight a war and not get a few scars for your troubles. Kurdy had put on a few pounds and earned his share of battle scars since they met, too, so he knew how it was.

"Are you just going to sit there and stare at me, man?" Jeremiah was watching Kurdy over his shoulder, wondering if he should be freaked out. Kurdy used to watch Elizabeth with almost the same expression.

Kurdy lifted his gaze to meet Jeremiah's and grinned at him. "You gettin' shy on me?"

Jeremiah let out a little snort of a laugh. "No, just curious. You're acting weird, even for you."

"Maybe I like the view." Kurdy replied, and then snickered at the shocked look on Jeremiah's face. "Oh man, you should see your face!" He started laughing in earnest when Jeremiah flipped him off and dove into the water.

Jeremiah was hard to shake most of the time, but every once in a while Kurdy would push just the right button and Jeremiah would get as flustered as a teenaged girl. It was always fun.

 

~*~*~

 

Jeremiah swam for a while before he finally stopped to tread water about thirty feet from the bank, shaking water out of his eyes. He glanced back the way he had come and saw that the roots of the log blocked Kurdy's view of where he was in the river. He began swimming slowly downstream again, wondering what Kurdy's deal was. Kurdy always liked to tease and flirt, and he called everyone 'baby' if he was in a good mood, but Jeremiah had never caught Kurdy so openly watching him undress before. Kurdy's interest had surprised him almost as much as the fact it didn't really bother him. From the look on Kurdy's face, he was pretty sure that it should have.

Jeremiah heard a loud splash behind the log and turned to look towards it, treading water. "Kurdy? You hear that, man?" There was no reply, and after a moment Jeremiah began swimming back upstream, frowning. He was sure that he wasn't far enough away to keep Kurdy from hearing him over the sound of the river.

Jeremiah was almost back to the log before he felt someone's hand close on his ankle and he yelled as he was dragged under water. He twisted and kicked out, trying to see in the murky brown water, then his free foot connected solidly with something. The hand let go and Jeremiah thrashed up to the surface, coughing and gasping for breath.

Kurdy surfaced a few feet away, laughing as he wiped water out of his face. "Jeremiah, man, you kick like a _mule_! I think you cracked a rib."

Jeremiah lunged at him. "You--!" He got a double handful of Kurdy's braids and shoved him underwater.

Kurdy tried hard not to laugh underwater as he reached for Jeremiah, grabbing his waist and pulling him underwater with him. Jeremiah let go of the braids and twisted out of Kurdy's grip, and then they both surfaced, coughing and spluttering.

"Don't ever do that again, man," Jeremiah said finally, wiping water from his eyes. "If I'd had my knife on me when you grabbed me--"

"-- I wouldn't have grabbed you," Kurdy finished for him, grinning. "I ain't that stupid."

Jeremiah laughed slightly. "Yeah, well, you couldn'a proved it by me."

"Don't make me dunk you again," Kurdy replied, grinning.

Jeremiah smirked. "You gotta catch me first." He turned away and dove underwater, swimming upstream away from the log.

Kurdy laughed and followed even though he knew he wouldn't catch him. Jeremiah swam like a fish, but Kurdy had to settle for a halfway decent breaststroke.

 

~*~*~

 

Jeremiah sat down gingerly on a log about five feet from their fire. He was wearing Kurdy's extra pair of black cargo pants because he was just too sore to put his leathers back on yet. Riding in a pickup all day wasn't too bad, and peeling tight leather pants off could be tolerated even though it was pure hell in the summertime, but putting the pants _back on_ afterwards when they were all stiff with dried sweat and his thighs felt like raw hamburger? That was _way_ out of his league tonight.

"Man, we _gotta_ head north." Jeremiah said suddenly. "We haven't been to Seattle in a couple years, not since we ran into that group of nutcases that went into the sea. Let's go see how things are up there. Or hell, Montana. It's pretty up there this time of year."

"Pretty empty, you mean. Ain't nothin' up there but mountains, trees, and grass." Kurdy barely managed not to snicker as he looked up from propping a peeled stick holding two large trout over the fire. "You just need to stop wearing those leather pants. They can practically walk on their own now anyway. You oughta set 'em free, baby."

"Oh ha, ha. I did laugh." Jeremiah gave him a dirty look, shifting restlessly on the log. No matter how he sat down, he wound up on a tender spot. The vinyl seat of the truck and the leather he was wearing had made him sweat the most along the back of his thighs and on his ass, and when the sweat dried it made leather pants stick to him as securely as if they had been glued to him. He didn't think he had even an inch of skin back there that wasn't sore from peeling the pants off, not to mention the chafing in more personal places. Leather and sweat had combined over an eight-hour stretch to give him a hell of a heat rash.

Kurdy moved to sit on the log by Jeremiah, grinning at him. "The way those things rub you raw every summer, I'd think you'd learn not to wear them."

Jeremiah made a face. "They're comfortable the rest of the time, man. I've told you that."

"So's going around naked, but you don't do that," Kurdy replied, still grinning. "Well, not unless you're going swimming," he amended, laughing. "It's a wonder I'm the only one who's ever robbed you blind while you were playing fish."

Jeremiah shoved Kurdy off the log. "Speaking of naked, man, what was the deal with you staring at me like that earlier? You switchin' teams on me?"

Kurdy shifted a bit to get comfortable, leaning against the log and smirking. "Maybe you just don't know which team I'm on yet, Jeremiah." Jeremiah's eyes widened comically and Kurdy laughed. "I wish I had Smith's camera. You look like I just told you I'm from _Mars_. It's not like I grabbed your ass, man."

"You tryin' to tell me something, Kurdy?" Jeremiah asked, hoping that the shadows were hiding the blush he could feel heating up his face.

Kurdy grinned at him. "What do you think?"

Jeremiah just stared at Kurdy for a few minutes, then snorted. "I think you're screwing with my head. Again."

"Would I do that?" Kurdy asked with a smile, trying to look innocent.

"Only as often as you can," Jeremiah replied. "I think it's your favorite pastime, man."

"I gotta have something to do now that the war's over," Kurdy said, grinning. "After playing general for so long, I'll have to relearn all my old hobbies."

Jeremiah snorted. "Speaking of, General, when are we supposed to check in again?"

"I told Markus we'd show up when we show up," Kurdy replied, stretching his long legs out in front of him towards the fire even though he wasn't cold. "I ain't in no hurry, you know they'll put us back to work the second they get their paws on us." He grinned and settled more comfortably, folding his arms across his chest and leaning his head back on the log to look up at Jeremiah. "Montana sounds good. They'd never expect us to go up there."

Jeremiah snickered. "You got that shot right. Like you said, there's nothin' up there. We could hide out for a while at this place I know of. Nice little cabin, a lake, and lots of game." He looked down at Kurdy, smiling a bit. "You ever had elk, man?"

Kurdy grinned wider. "Can't say that I have."

Jeremiah patted his shoulder with a sudden grin. "Montana it is, then. Everyone ought to have elk at least once."

 

~*~*~

 

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this."

"Me?!" Jeremiah exclaimed, half-turning on the seat to stare at Kurdy. "I don't seem to recall you arguin' with me!"

"That's because you didn't tell me the whole story, man." Kurdy hunched his shoulders a bit, sticking his gloved hands under his arms to try and warm them as he glowered at Jeremiah. "You see that white stuff out there, Jeremiah? They call that _snow_. In fucking _JULY_!"

Jeremiah grinned suddenly. "I know, ain't it great?" He looked back at the gap in the trees that qualified as a road, starting the truck forward a little faster. "Once we get down in the next valley it'll warm up again. It'll be fifty degrees before you know it, I promise." He could hardly wait to get to the cabin. He hadn't been up there in years, but he remembered it all like it was yesterday: trees, plenty of trout in the lake, deer and elk everywhere you looked, wild cattle, and even wild horses. Montana had been empty for the most part since the Big Death other than Indians and wild animals, but it was still beautiful country.

"Fifty degrees is still pretty damned cold, the way I remember it," Kurdy grumbled, glaring out at the snow falling on the hood of their truck. "Hard to believe that three days ago it was over ninety."

"Three days ago we were in southern _Kansas_."

"Don't get technical with me, Jeremiah, I am _not_ in the mood." Kurdy gave Jeremiah a dirty look and then leaned over to look at the fuel gauge. "You better be right about the Alliance having a fuel dump in the next town, or we'll be walking."

"Walking's not so bad, Kurdy. We could both stand the exercise, it's nice and cool out."

"You've got anti-freeze for blood! Forget cool, it's fucking _cold_." He pointed to a suspiciously cloudy-looking puddle ahead. "That's frozen solid!"

"Ah, that's from last night," Jeremiah said dismissively. "It's warm this time of year. Come winter, the snow's usually eight feet deep in this pass."

Kurdy gave him a flat look. "I _don't_ want to hear it, Jeremiah."

"Whatever you say, man."

Jeremiah turned the truck onto a wider road a few minutes later and gave the truck some gas, sending up a plume of damp leaves behind them as the wheels dug down to buried asphalt. Jeremiah eyed the two rising lines of smoke above the trees ahead of them and said, "Looks like there's still someone besides Steve living there, at least."

Kurdy snorted. "With our luck they've used up all the gas."

Jeremiah reached over to pat Kurdy's shoulder. "Don't worry, you won't have to walk. If nothing else, I'll steal you a horse. It's only a few miles past Shawmut to the cabin."

Kurdy gave Jeremiah an indignant look. "I ain't ridin' no fucking horse! Give me a pickup truck any day. I never had a Chevy throw me."

Jeremiah smiled a bit. "I knew a guy that had a horse named Chevy once..."

Kurdy slugged him in the arm. "Smartass. And what the hell kind of name is Shawmut? Was the guy who named it high or what?"

"I dunno who named the place Shawmut, I just know it's an Alliance outpost. I told Markus it would be a good place, and he set one of the guys from Millhaven up there. It's on the map in the glove-box."

"I hope that map ain't the one you were using in Wyoming."

"How was I to know that a butte collapsed on the highway since I came that way last?"

Kurdy snorted and gave Jeremiah a level look. "The people we met in the next town said it happened ten years ago, Jeremiah."

"Well, I never liked Wyoming."

 

~*~*~

 

"Ten gallons of gas, man! Ten fucking gallons, and it'll be nearly a month before they get any more! I _knew_ we were going to wind up on foot!"

"We'll just stay up here until then, that's all," Jeremiah replied as he turned off what passed for a main road and headed off into the woods again, unperturbed. "We wanted a vacation."

"We don't have _food_ for a month, Jeremiah."

"What do you think I was doing while you were trying to climb in the fireplace? We've got _crates_ of stuff in the back, and Steve said he'd have Gina send up some stuff when they get their next supply drop. Besides, there's so much game up here we couldn't starve if we _tried_."

"And what are you gonna do, chase it down on foot?"

"No, I'll shoot it. Steve had a deer rifle he let me have for that AK Gina put in the back when we stopped in Millhaven. It ain't fancy, but it works."

"How do you know that? I know you didn't try it out."

"Steve said so, and he's a good guy." Jeremiah turned the rover onto an even narrower trail where the trees scraped both sides of the truck, adding, "He also said the cabin's just fine. He was up there hunting a few weeks back."

"If this road gets any narrower--" Kurdy began, breaking off as they rounded a curve and found a tree across the road. "Great!" He turned to stare Jeremiah. "Still think we're gonna drive right up there?"

Jeremiah gave Kurdy a dirty look as he turned off the truck. "Walking half a mile won't kill you."

"No, but I might kill _you_ if it starts snowing again," Kurdy replied immediately, trying not to shiver.

Jeremiah just rolled his eyes and got out of the truck.

 

~*~*~

 

Kurdy was sitting by a small fire with a half-empty can of chicken noodle soup cradled between his gloved palms, watching with a smirk while Jeremiah swung the axe again. His bad mood had passed quickly once he was warm again and had eaten something, and he was rather cheerful as he called, "Looks like you're nearly through it. Maybe you should walk the trail when you're done, there might be more."

Jeremiah buried the blade of the axe in the deep notch he had taken out of the log, then let it go and stalked towards Kurdy. "That's it, man. You're _done_."

"What're you going to do, Jeremiah? Glare me to death?" Kurdy asked, grinning.

Jeremiah just growled and lunged at him, knocking the soup into the fire as he began to swat Kurdy around the head and shoulders. Kurdy laughed and began trying to catch Jeremiah's hands, which soon degenerated to a free-for-all wrestling match.

Five minutes later Jeremiah was laughing as he spit one of Kurdy's braids out of his mouth, grinning up at Kurdy. "Alright, alright! You win." Kurdy had finally pinned him with both hands over his head while Kurdy sprawled over him, holding him down so that Jeremiah couldn't move much more than his head. "Let me up so I can finish that damned log."

"I'm sort of comfortable. Maybe later." Kurdy settled a bit more solidly over Jeremiah, making sure he kept a good hold of Jeremiah's hands. If he let him go now, he knew Jeremiah would probably start hitting him again.

Jeremiah let out a little laugh. "You've got to be shitting me."

Kurdy smirked. "Nah, you're kind of skinny, but the ground's pretty damned cold, and hard, too."

"That's because you built the fire in the road," Jeremiah replied automatically, staring up at Kurdy with his eyes just a bit wider than normal. "Gravel's _usually_ hard and cold. It's made of _rocks_." He tried to tug his hands free, adding, "C'mon man, let me up. You had your fun."

Kurdy's smirk turned wicked. "I'll be real nice and let you up … this time." He let go of Jeremiah's hands and pushed off of him, rising easily as he added, "Next time you tackle me, though, you're gonna find out what my idea of fun is." He offered Jeremiah a hand up, still smirking.

Jeremiah gave him a funny look and took his hand, letting Kurdy pull him to his feet. "I don't know if I want to know what your deal is, man, so I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that."

"Pretend all you want, baby," Kurdy replied cheerfully. He turned away and walked towards the fire to warm up again, grinning.

Jeremiah watched Kurdy a few moments longer and then headed back towards the log. He wasn't sure if he should be confused or just worried that Kurdy had finally gone off the deep end.

 

~*~*~

 

"I ain't gonna be the one sleeping in the floor," Kurdy said firmly, looking around the dusty cabin as he dropped a crate of supplies in the floor. "This place is a dump."

The cabin was bigger than he had expected from Jeremiah's description, but evidently someone had taken most of the furniture, including the couch that Jeremiah had said he would sleep on. There was a card table and three metal folding chairs near the 'kitchen' area, and a large wood box between the old wood-burning cookstove and the fireplace. An ancient rocking chair across the room from the fireplace looked like it would shatter if someone actually sat on it, and the roughly-made bed against the wall farthest from the door was just a framework of boards with rope strung on them. There was a cotton tick mattress rolled up at the foot of the bed that looked like it had seen better days, and a beat-up trunk nearby.

"Aw, it ain't _that_ bad," Jeremiah replied, putting down his own crate of supplies and walking over towards the bed. He opened the trunk and then grinned at Kurdy. "The big wood table and the couch are gone, but the quilts I left last time are still here, and we've got our bedrolls. The floor won't be any worse than a lot of places we've slept."

Kurdy snorted, walking over towards the fireplace to see if there was anything in the wood box. "I don't care if it'll be _bad_ or not. You promised me a warm bed at the end of that road, and I'm taking it _. You_ can sleep in the floor, Mr. 'I Love Snow'."

Jeremiah straightened, laughing. "It's not my fault it's snowing again. It's usually warm here this time of year!"

"Uh-huh, _sure_ Jeremiah, whatever you say." Kurdy started tossing twigs and lighter wood into the fireplace, adding, "Go get us some wood, there's nothing in here but kindling and rat shit."

Jeremiah made a face and started for the door. "I'm not doing _all_ the chores while we're here man. Just so you know that now."

Kurdy waited for Jeremiah to shut the door behind him, then snorted again and muttered, "Yeah, that's what you think."

 

~*~*~

 

"This floor is hard as hell," Jeremiah muttered, giving Kurdy a dirty look. The cabin had been built on a natural shelf of rock that was leveled-out in places with hard-packed dirt. The floor near the fireplace, which was at the back of the cabin, was bare stone covered by a thick rag rug, but near the door had a packed dirt floor about eight inches deep. Staying remotely warm meant sleeping near the fire, which put Jeremiah on the hardest part of the floor.

Kurdy propped himself up on one elbow on the bed, smirking down at Jeremiah in the firelight. "The bed's nice. The mattress and quilts are more comfortable than they look."

"If you keep rubbing it in I'm gonna cut the ropes, man, I swear."

Kurdy grinned wider and laid back down, rolling over so that his back was to Jeremiah and the fire. "It's a comfortable bed, Jeremiah. Plenty big enough for two. It'd be a waste to ruin it."

Jeremiah blinked and stared at Kurdy's back for a few minutes before he asked slowly, "Are you asking me to sleep with you?"

"You're the one complaining about the floor," Kurdy replied. "I'm just fine, you can sleep by the fire for the next month if you want. No skin off my nose."

"You can be such a bastard, man."

Kurdy snickered. "Maybe, but I'm a _warm_ bastard that ain't sleeping in the floor."

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Kurdy was still sound asleep the next morning when he was rudely awaked by something very, _very_ cold suddenly touching the middle of his back. "Holy fuck!" he yelped, jerking away and nearly braining himself on the rough log wall in front of him. The cold whatever-it-was followed him when he moved, and he twisted around as he reached behind himself to swat at it, blinking blearily.

Jeremiah was smirking and kneeling by the bed, his arms disappearing very suspiciously under the covers. "Good morning."

Kurdy grabbed Jeremiah's wrist and pulled one of his frigid hands away, trying to cringe away from the other one, which Jeremiah had slipped between him and the bed. "Jeremiah! What the _hell_ are you doing, man?"

"Well, I just came back in and my hands were cold. You looked so nice and warm, I thought you could help."

"Fuck man, they ain't cold, they're _frozen_!" Kurdy let go of the hand he had pulled away to reach for the other, but Jeremiah just moved the first one to touch him again. Kurdy shivered and gave Jeremiah a dirty look as he gave up. He wasn't awake enough to wrestle, not even to get those cold hands away from him. "How long were you out there?"

Jeremiah grinned as he pushed his hands, which were warming up quickly, a bit further under Kurdy's shoulder. "Not long, really. Shot a deer and gutted it, then went to get some water so I could clean up." He paused, settling more comfortably by the bed, and then added helpfully, "There was ice in the lake."

"I guessed that." Kurdy felt like Jeremiah's hands were getting colder the longer they stayed against his skin, not warmer like they should have been. "Is it snowing still?"

"Nope! Clear and beautiful out, but pretty cold. Last night's snow stuck in some places, a couple inches worth."

Kurdy groaned rolled to his side to face Jeremiah, careful not to put too much weight on Jeremiah's hands. No matter how annoying it might be to be woken up by cold hands on his bare back, he still didn't want to hurt him. "I knew it." He gave Jeremiah a dirty look. "If it gets any colder up here, man, you're gonna regret it." He reached out from under the covers to poke Jeremiah's shoulder and added, "And if you keep waking me up with cold hands, I'm gonna have to put you in bed and tie you to the wall."

Jeremiah's eyebrows went up. "You want to _tie me to the wall_?"

"It's a thought," Kurdy replied calmly, "your hands are still like fucking ice. I bet the rest of you is just as cold." He moved his hand to cup his warm fingers along Jeremiah's jaw, feeling the rough rasp of cold stubbled skin against his palm. He barely kept back a grin when Jeremiah leaned into his touch, keeping his hand there for a few moments before he pulled his hand away and scooted back towards the wall. "Come on, you might as well freeze me the rest of the way."

Jeremiah just stared at him a few moments, then pulled his hands out from under the blankets and settled back on his heels. "Kurdy, man, you and me need to _talk_."

Kurdy was bemused. "What, getting under the blankets with me to warm up is too difficult for you to figure out?" He snickered, then added, "I seem to remember you practically crawling into my coat with me one time in Denver..."

"When we were both dressed, yeah!" Jeremiah gestured at Kurdy and the bed. "You're kinda naked under there, man!"

"Yes, _and_?" Kurdy asked, amused.

Jeremiah let out a little noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a snort. " _And_... I just don't swing that way, Kurdy."

"Sounds like you're gonna keep freezing your ass off, then," Kurdy replied cheerfully, tucking the covers tighter around himself and closing his eyes. "And I'm gonna warn you now, next time you wake me up like that I'm not gonna be so nice."

Jeremiah spluttered a moment and then exclaimed, "It was a _joke_ , man! I thought it would be funny!"

"Not as funny as you tied to the wall," Kurdy replied, and then he yawned. "Wake me up when you've got breakfast ready."

Jeremiah opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to think of what to say, then finally just threw up his hands and stood. "Fine. What-the-fuck-ever! We're having venison and eggs, and some of that herbal shit Steve sent. He said it tastes kinda like coffee."

Kurdy already sounded half asleep again and looked perfectly relaxed as he murmured, "Sounds good. Be sure to stoke up the fire, it's cold in here."

Jeremiah stared down at Kurdy a few more moments and then turned away suddenly and walked towards the door. "You're doing the dishes." He slammed out of the cabin, heading out to carve a haunch off of the deer he had shot just after dawn.

Kurdy smiled to himself as he drifted off to sleep again.

 

~*~*~

 

Jeremiah set about peeling back the hide of the yearling deer he had shot, grumbling under his breath as he worked. He had no clue what the hell was going on with Kurdy, but it was driving him nuts. They had been buddies for a long time, and to have Kurdy suddenly throwing such a wrench in the works did not sit well.

A lot of kids did whatever was necessary to get along after the Big Death, and Jeremiah always thought Kurdy was the type to do anything he needed to do to survive. Jeremiah had done a lot of things to survive since the Big Death too, but his ass had never been for sale or even available and no matter how scarce a nice girl got he hadn't switched to the other team. It wasn't a bad thing, really, it just wasn't Jeremiah's thing. Kurdy had flirted with him from the very beginning, but he'd never pushed his luck so Jeremiah didn't make a big deal out of it.

' _Only now, he's going too far,_ ' Jeremiah thought, frowning. ' _I can handle the flirting, but talking about tying me up in his bed is_ way _over the line._ '

He let the hide hang from the deer's back and unhooked one hock from the sharpened pine branch he had hung it on, letting the cooled meat hang down as he started to carve away one hindquarter. He had shot a small young doe because an older one would have had either been pregnant or had a nursing fawn. He didn't like shooting a buck because if you didn't handle one exactly right the meat would go rank. Younger deer were often lean, but this one was nicely muscled with a good backstrap so he thought it would last them a couple of days.

Jeremiah frowned to himself, prying apart the hip joint with his knife as he tried to think it all through. The problem was that no matter what wild things he might say, Kurdy was still Kurdy. They were closer than Jeremiah had ever been to anyone except Libby, and probably closer than Jeremiah had been even with her. Jeremiah had loved Libby with all his heart, and he had been sure that he knew her inside and out right up until he found the radio in her things after she died. He hadn't gotten close to anyone since then, not really. He couldn't. If Libby had lied to him so easily about herself, how would he know any other girl was for real?

There were really only a few people that he trusted. Markus was his friend and boss, and Jeremiah trusted him most of the time. Markus kept things from him, sure, but Jeremiah didn't think Markus would actively _lie_ to him. He trusted Erin to help him as long as it didn't reflect badly on Markus, and he trusted Lee and the others in Thunder Mountain just enough to sleep there and not worry about locking his door. He trusted Smith more than he'd ever thought he would, and he trusted sweet, workaholic Gina to keep his town running smooth for him while he was gone. He trusted Frank, who ran the newspaper, about as far as he could throw him.

There was only one person he really trusted to watch his back.

Jeremiah and Kurdy might have started out as two guys who just happened to be going in the same direction, but in the years since Kurdy stole his fish they had moved on through friendship to something more complicated. Whenever Jeremiah needed him, Kurdy always managed to be there, whether they were mad at each other or not, and Jeremiah tried to do the same. Kurdy was more family to him than his own father was, and Jeremiah couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather be with. Kurdy was his best friend, a partner that was so close it was almost like Kurdy was Jeremiah's other half.

' _Which is why this is_ so _fucking screw_ y,' Jeremiah thought with a sigh. He cut the last bit of tendon holding the haunch of meat to the carcass and carried it towards the lake to rinse it off. ' _How the hell am I supposed to react to the shit he's pulling? He_ knows _I don't swing that way.'_ He knelt at the edge of the water and laid the meat on the ice while he rinsed his hands and his hunting knife. _'Hell, he knows I don't swing_ at all _these days. We're supposed to be_ buddies _._ '

Once his hands and knife were clean, he rinsed the meat more carefully, frowning as he thought about what had happened that morning. Waking Kurdy up by putting his icy hands on Kurdy's back had seemed like a funny idea at the time. When Kurdy started fussing about how cold his hands were, he had kept touching him mostly because Kurdy had a fit about it. It hadn't hurt that Kurdy was so warm and his hands were so cold. Kurdy's skin had been almost too hot to touch with his frozen fingers, but Jeremiah realized suddenly that how warm Kurdy was really didn't have a lot to do with how nice it had felt to touch him.

Jeremiah flushed, remembering when Kurdy had touched his face. Nobody had touched him like that in months and Jeremiah had leaned into it without thinking about it. Kurdy's touch had been warm and gentle, a careful caress that was withdrawn just as Jeremiah began to realize he should pull away. It reminded him of the way things had been with Libby at first when neither of them was sure what was allowed.

Jeremiah was a simple man with simple tastes, and one of the things he had enjoyed most about living with Libby was simply touching someone he loved. It could be sexual or something as simple as leaning against her while he read a book; he didn't care as long as it was someone he loved and trusted. Libby had said once that he was touch-starved because he kept his distance too much from everyone else, but whatever the reason, being near her had been what kept him sane when Kurdy blamed him for Elizabeth's death. He had needed someone to hold then because he had felt like his entire world was crashing down around him. It had taken losing it to make him realize just how much Kurdy's friendship meant to him.

Jeremiah stared towards the far shore of the lake, frowning. ' _But I_ shouldn't _like Kurdy touching me like he was. Sure, he's my best friend and I'd rather be with him than anyone else I know, but he's still a_ guy _. I don't_ do _guys, I never have._ ' He watched the calm waters still unfrozen towards the middle of the lake for several minutes before he stood suddenly and started back towards the cabin with the haunch of venison. He was more confused than he had been when he started trying to figure it out, and he just got more lost the more he thought about it.

 _'Life would be_ so _much simpler if Kurdy was a woman,'_ he thought finally, and then he shuddered.

Oh yeah, he was in _way_ over his head.

 

~*~*~

 

The second time Kurdy woke up was much more pleasant than the first. The cabin was warm and full of the smell of wood smoke and the meat that was sizzling away on the stove. He remained there for a bit with his eyes closed, just relaxing and listening to the occasional quiet sounds of Jeremiah moving around the cabin. Evidently Jeremiah had decided to let him sleep; it sounded like he was making an effort to be quiet.

When Kurdy finally opened his eyes slightly to watch Jeremiah, he had to fight not to give away that he was awake. Jeremiah was leaning against the sink and watching him 'sleep' with a confused, harried expression. He looked like a man trying to figure something out and not getting any answers he liked.

Kurdy rolled to his back after a few moments and purred as he stretched both arms over his head, scrunching his eyes closed tighter. He heard Jeremiah move suddenly and begin pouring water into something, probably the coffee pot, and then he opened his eyes. He blinked a few times and folded his arms behind his head to watch Jeremiah, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

Kurdy didn't particularly mind that he had confused Jeremiah. That meant that Jeremiah hadn't expected his own reaction to Kurdy's flirting, which was fine with him.

Kurdy had hinted right after they met that girls weren't quite what he was after all the time, and Jeremiah had made his feelings plain on the subject so Kurdy dropped it. He'd wondered a few times since then if Jeremiah might possibly swing a little more freely than he said, but it wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to find out while they were on a job. The fact that they never seemed to have any free time together had driven Kurdy to distraction many times, but there hadn't been much he could do about it while the Alliance was at war with Daniel's people.

Jeremiah's trust meant way too much to Kurdy for him to screw up their relationship over sex, which might be why they were still just friends after so long. Kurdy had hated Jeremiah for a while because Elizabeth's last words were about him, but he had loved Jeremiah through it all, too. That was why it had all hurt so much that Kurdy just had to get away. If her last words had been about a stranger, Kurdy would have gotten over it faster.

There was no one else that Kurdy trusted the way he trusted Jeremiah, and he knew that Jeremiah felt the same way about him. Jeremiah was his other half, and no matter what happened Kurdy was sure that he always would be. He had been surprised that Elizabeth knew that too, but it had hurt him deeply that she seemed to be more worried about taking care of Jeremiah than how much Kurdy loved her. Now that enough time had passed for him to be more objective Kurdy knew that Elizabeth had been right, but then it had been like acid in a fresh wound.

"Stop watching me like that," Jeremiah said suddenly, not even bothering to look at Kurdy. "You're freaking me out, man." He set the pot of water and herbs on the stove and then flipped the thick venison steaks he had cut for their breakfast before he moved to the sink to get the eggs.

Kurdy rolled onto his side, letting the blankets slide down almost to his waist as he propped himself on one elbow. "Why is it freaking you out? I've watched you cook before, Jeremiah."

Jeremiah stood at the sink a moment with his back to Kurdy and then turned around as he said, "It's just--" He broke off when he saw Kurdy's bare chest and the nipple rings that had always fascinated him a bit more than he wanted to admit to. He stared for a few moments and then flushed as he realized what he was doing. He made himself look away and move back to the stove as he went on doggedly, "You're acting like you're trying to get in my pants, Kurdy. I love you, man, but--" He realized what he had said and dropped one of the eggs, splattering it down the side of the stove. "Shit!" He glanced over at Kurdy again, giving him a quick glare. "You've got me so messed up I can't even think! Just back off, alright?"

"Jesus baby, calm down," Kurdy said, eyes a bit wide. He had seen Jeremiah get mad, and sometimes he got confused, but Kurdy had never seen him jumping out of his skin like this. He wasn't surprised that Jeremiah loved him, but he _was_ shocked that he had _said_ it. They both knew that they loved each other, they had been through too much together not to, but it wasn't something they ever admitted out loud.

"There you go again!" Jeremiah exclaimed, glaring at him. "I'm not your baby! We are _not_ going down that road, alright? I'm your friend-- Hell, we're _partners_ , man, but that's _it_."

' _Shit, he must be_ really _upset. He's never told me not to call him baby before. I call_ everyone _baby._ ' Kurdy ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he sat up. "And I'm cool with it, Jeremiah. You know that."

Jeremiah just stared at Kurdy for over a minute, his brown eyes intent as he tried to decide if Kurdy was sincere, then he finally looked away. "Good. Glad we got that settled. Get dressed, breakfast's almost ready."

Kurdy didn't say anything else as he reached for the duffle in the floor by the bed and began to get dressed. He had thought things were going well right up until Jeremiah dropped the egg, but he had obviously pushed Jeremiah way too far, too fast. He barely held back a sigh as he stood to fasten his pants, wishing he had read his friend a bit better. ' _I'm going to have to just let it go for a while. Again. I can't risk freaking him out more when he's like this, he'll do something stupid._ '

Kurdy was used to knowing what Jeremiah thought just by looking at him, and it was a bit unsettling to realize he'd been so wrong this time. He had actually thought Jeremiah _enjoyed it_ when he touched him and teased him that morning.

 

~*~*~

 

After breakfast Kurdy went out to do the dishes without complaint. He thought Jeremiah needed time to cool off and he wanted some time to think. Scrubbing out a couple of tin plates and a frying pan was just something to keep his hands busy, not work he'd have to concentrate on, and that was what he wanted. He was nearly done when Jeremiah suddenly crouched on the bank nearby and started to talk.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you, man." Kurdy looked over at him, surprised, and Jeremiah quickly looked out across the lake, his expression closed and unreadable. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I just--" He broke off and was quiet a minute before he shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I just need to drive back into town and get laid."

Kurdy looked at him a few moments, thinking, and then said quietly, "I don't know what you want me to say, Jeremiah."

Jeremiah let out a little laugh that really didn't hold much amusement and looked at Kurdy, his brown eyes bleak. "Hell then, that makes two of us. If you figure it out, let me know." He stood and reached out to put his hand on Kurdy's shoulder. "We alright?"

"Always," Kurdy replied as he looked up at Jeremiah. "I wish I knew how to help, is all."

"I wish you did too, Kurdy." Jeremiah squeezed Kurdy's shoulder and turned away, walking towards the cabin. "It would make things a lot simpler if one of us did, anyway."

Jeremiah disappeared around the side of the cabin and Kurdy went back to rinsing their plates, not at all surprised to hear the axe bite into a log a few moments later. Jeremiah liked heavy manual labor when he had a personal problem; he said it helped him to think. Kurdy figured they both could stand to do some of that.

 

~*~*~

 

The morning seemed to go on forever, but by lunch things had settled almost back to normal between Jeremiah and Kurdy. They were skirting a few subjects carefully and Jeremiah kept more space between them than he usually did, but they were laughing and joking again.

They were sitting on the rocks near the lake enjoying the late afternoon sun and talking about some of the changes Jeremiah had in mind for Millhaven when they heard a horse approaching. Kurdy reached for the deer rifle and slipped it out of sight under his coat as Jeremiah stood up on the rocks, shading his eyes and looking towards the sound. It was a minute or two before the horse slowly came into view, and the sight of the rider made them both laugh.

Jeremiah recognized the horse, too. It belonged to Sadie, the woman who ran the whorehouse across from Steve's trading post. She had lived on a ranch in one of the high valleys when the Big Death came, and the horse was all she had left. Patch was more family to her than pet, and so pampered that it was almost impossible to get him to go faster than a slow rough trot. She only let people she really liked borrow him, and then only when she felt it was absolutely necessary.

Mister Smith looked very ill at ease on the stocky old pinto gelding and felt even more awkward than he looked. As far as he was concerned, horses were evil creatures and he'd be perfectly happy never to sit on one again. He had fallen off twice before he got the hang of riding at a walk, and he was afraid to go any faster. Patch hadn't exactly offered to run off with him, but Smith was sure the horse was just waiting for the right chance.

"Smith, what're you doing here?" Kurdy called as he stood, grinning and pulling the deer rifle back out from under his coat. They had brought it out with them just in case they saw a young elk, but so far they hadn't seen anything but a few deer and a small herd of shaggy wild horses. "And where in the world did you find that horse?"

Smith looked up from watching the pinto's ears to give Kurdy a dirty look. "I borrowed him from those nice ladies in town. God said I had to talk to Jeremiah, and they're all out of gas. If I had known this place was so close, I would have walked."

Jeremiah laughed and started to walk towards the cabin, not surprised to hear Kurdy's boots on the rocks following him. "We've got a radio, why didn't you just call?"

"Because God said I had to _find_ you." Smith slid off the gelding, nearly falling, and then gave Jeremiah another dirty look. "And don't ask me why it had to be face to face, God didn't say. I don't get told _why_ , I just get told what to _do_. I've been following you two for almost a week."

Jeremiah grinned at Smith, reaching out to pet Patch's shoulder. "So talk, man. Here I am." He was a bit surprised that he was glad to see Smith, but he figured it was because he knew exactly how he felt about the other man. Kurdy could tie him in knots without ever meaning to these days, but Smith was still just Smith. He was crazy and a little clueless, but mostly harmless.

"Yeah, Smith, tell us." Kurdy settled the deer rifle in the crook of his elbow and watched them with interest, wondering what was so important that God had made Smith hunt them down.

"I'm not supposed to tell _you_ , Kurdy, I'm supposed to tell Jeremiah." He gave Kurdy an apologetic look. "It's not my choice. God was real particular that I tell him alone and then go straight back to the Mountain."

That surprised Kurdy but he smiled anyway. "It's alright, Smith. I'll see you around, then." He started towards the cabin, reaching out to touch Jeremiah's shoulder with his free hand on the way by. "Baked potato okay with the venison?"

"Sounds good," Jeremiah agreed, watching Kurdy go before he looked back at Smith, curious. "Alright, he's gone, Smith, out with it. What does 'God' want from me now?"

"God doesn't _want_ anything," Smith replied, frowning. "Well, He wants me to tell you something, but He doesn't want anything from you."

"Tell me, then," Jeremiah said, smiling tolerantly. "Get it over with so you can get back to town. Patch is almost as old you are and half blind, you don't want to be out with him after dark."

"I could tell you if you'd shut up a minute." Jeremiah raised his hands and turned his head a bit as if to say 'alright' and then Smith went on. "God says you're thinking too much. He wants you to stop ignoring what He put right under your nose. He says He already showed you the way."

Jeremiah was getting a bit wide-eyed and looked like he wasn't sure if he should be shocked or mad, so Smith went on a bit more quickly, "God also says it's bad manners to turn down a good thing when He gives it to you." Smith frowned a bit and looked up at the clear blue sky, confused as he added, "And God says it's going to snow a lot tonight." He looked back at Jeremiah, shrugging. "Doesn't look like snow to me, but God's never wrong." He turned away and stuck his foot in the stirrup, hauling himself halfway up onto the pinto gelding before he dropped back down again and looked at Jeremiah, wide-eyed. "God says that He wouldn't go to the trouble of making you love someone if you really aren't supposed to be with him."

Jeremiah just stared at Smith, completely at a loss for words, and watched in silence while the other man clambered up into the saddle and gathered up the reins. Smith was about to go when Jeremiah finally managed to ask in a slightly strangled voice, "Is that all, Smith?"

Smith cocked his head slightly as if listening, then after a few moments he gave Jeremiah another wide-eyed look. "God says you did your part, and Kurdy did his part, and now God wants you both to be happy until you're needed again. God wants you to trust Kurdy and let him take care of you." Smith shuddered and made a face, adding, "And I'm leaving before He says anything else. I don't want to know any more about it, alright?" Smith turned Patch back towards the road and kicked him into a fast walk, holding on as if the sleepy old horse was galloping. He muttered under his breath as he rode, but Jeremiah couldn't hear enough of it to tell if he was talking to God or the horse.

Jeremiah just stood there and watched him go, then stared at the cabin for a moment before he turned away suddenly and started walking. He _really_ needed to think. Again.

 

~*~*~

 

Kurdy opened the cabin door just before sunset and looked outside, frowning. He had no idea what Smith had said to Jeremiah, but he thought he had heard the horse leave about an hour ago. Dinner had been ready for a while and it looked like snow again, but there was still no sign of Jeremiah.

Kurdy stood at the door looking around for a little while before he ducked back in to grab his coat. He went outside as soon as he had it on and began to walk towards the lake, rubbing his arms because it was cold even with his duster. He clambered up onto the rocks where he and Jeremiah had spent the afternoon, climbing up to the highest boulder to get a better view of the shoreline. The rocks had been surprisingly warm in the afternoon sun earlier, but now that the sun was going down they were cooling rapidly.

He didn't see anyone and after a few moments he turned away to head back to the cabin where it was warm. Jeremiah had been going through a rough patch for the last few days but Kurdy was sure he wouldn't just drop everything and leave, no matter what Smith had hunted him down for. He wasn't convinced that Jeremiah believed in God at all, much less in Him talking through Smith. He expected Jeremiah would ignore whatever Smith had said unless it was something he wanted to hear, and the likelihood of Smith saying anything Jeremiah liked was pretty close to nil.

Kurdy was nearly to the door when an especially cold blast of air blew several snowflakes into his face, making him shiver. He stopped and looked around, groaning when he saw that it was just starting to snow. "Great. Just great."

Kurdy glared at the dark, cloudy sky a moment and then sighed and detoured around the cabin to the woodpile, digging in his pocket for his gloves. If it was going to snow he wanted to have plenty of wood inside before it got too dark to see. He might have told Jeremiah that he didn't care if he froze his ass off sleeping in the floor, but it wasn't really true. With his luck Jeremiah would catch pneumonia and then Kurdy would be stuck in that tiny cabin with him until he was healthy again. Jeremiah was a real pain in the ass when he was sick.

Kurdy was walking into the cabin with the last of the split wood when he saw Jeremiah standing by the fireplace, warming his hands. "I was beginning to wonder if you were coming back."

"I always come back," Jeremiah replied, staring down into the fire. "Thanks for carrying the wood. Smith said it's supposed to snow a lot tonight."

"It is snowing pretty hard," Kurdy replied, moving to add the wood to the stack he had made between the stove and the wood box. “That God of his hasn’t been wrong yet.”

"I know." Jeremiah glanced at him and then moved to help with the wood, asking, "Potatoes done yet?"

"A long time ago, man. "

Jeremiah added the last of the damp wood to the pile and then shrugged a bit as he moved back to the fireplace. "I went for a walk around the lake. Smith said some stuff that made me think." He let out a little laugh that didn't sound very amused. "Only God told him I'm supposed to _stop_ thinking, so I guess I screwed that up already."

Kurdy walked over to the table, tugging off his gloves and then moving to rinse his hands before he started making their plates. "I hate it when he tells me that. It just makes me think harder."

Jeremiah turned his back to the fire to watch Kurdy with a slight smile. "Did the same to me. It's like saying 'don't look at that pink elephant'. You just can't help it after that."

Kurdy chuckled and put a baked potato on each plate before he moved the plates to the table. He walked back over to the stove again to get the venison he had left on top to stay warm, then he carried the meat to the table. "You want to talk about it?" he asked, glancing at Jeremiah.

Jeremiah started towards the table. "Not really, but we probably should." He laughed slightly, looking more confused than amused. "I think Smith's God called me an idiot."

Kurdy stared at him. "What?"

Jeremiah started to take off his coat, tilting his head and sort of shrugging. "Well, He didn't say it in that many words, or Smith didn't at least, but yeah. That seemed to be the general idea." He snorted and dropped the coat over the back of his chair, sitting down before he finally looked at Kurdy again. He swallowed hard, not sure that it was the right thing to do but needing to talk about it too much not to tell Kurdy everything. "Smith said that God wants us to both be happy until he needs us again. Seems I'm screwing up something and God isn't happy with me."

Kurdy sat down slowly. "What kind of 'something'?"

Jeremiah shrugged and looked down at his plate, trying to keep his voice light as he picked up his fork and began splitting open this potato. "Smith said something about God not making me love someone unless I'm supposed to be with them. I might have missed some of it. I was a little surprised."

"You and me both," Kurdy said, still watching Jeremiah intently and trying to hide his shock. "Smith didn't explain it any better than that?"

"Well, he said a lot, like he always does," Jeremiah replied, reaching for the small crock of butter he had traded for with the potatoes. "He started out with saying I'm stubborn and ignoring what God put right under my nose, then said something about following my heart and not turning down a good thing." Jeremiah buttered his potato sparingly, watching it as if it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "That's when Smith said it was supposed to snow a lot and then that part about how God wouldn't make me love you if I wasn't supposed to."

Jeremiah realized that hadn't come out quite like Smith said it, but it was still true so he didn't correct himself. He put the butter where Kurdy could reach it and then finally looked up, more than a little bit freaked out still but managing to hold it together. Barely. "Smith says I'm supposed to trust you and let you take care of me." He gave Kurdy a weak smile. "I think God or whoever it is told Smith more because he started talking about not wanting to know anything else and left in a hurry."

Kurdy stared at Jeremiah for a few minutes and then asked softly, "And do you believe all of that, Jeremiah?"

Jeremiah shrugged, looking down at his plate. "I dunno that I believe in God at all, really, but I believe _something_ told Smith what to say to me today. He knew things I've just barely started to admit even to myself, and I know you’ve said that God of his is never wrong. He doesn't know me well enough to have figured most of it out, plus we haven't even seen him since the treaty was signed. Most of it I've just realized in the last few days." He looked up at Kurdy again, confused and nervous. "Everything's pointing me one way, and I guess I just need to give up and go with it. I trust you, Kurdy. It looks like that's gotta be enough for now."

Kurdy reached over to give Jeremiah's hand a squeeze, smiling softly. "It'll be alright, Jeremiah. We'll figure it out."

Jeremiah smiled back, swallowing back a flood of nervous words that wanted to tumble out. He turned his hand over under Kurdy's to return the squeeze and then pulled away to begin eating his dinner. He hoped that Kurdy was right, but he didn't have a lot of confidence in it.

 

~*~*~

 

Jeremiah walked in with a bucket of water later that night and stopped, eyes widening just a bit.

Kurdy was standing near the fire, tugging on a t-shirt that the sleeves and neck had been cut out of. He was barefoot and already wearing a pair of old sweats that were so worn and faded it was almost impossible to tell what color they had been. The shirt and the sweats were familiar, both loose and ragged from years of use, but Jeremiah still stared for a few moments, trying to figure out what was going on.

Jeremiah had been traveling with Kurdy for _years_ and he had never been this ... well, _weird_ about Kurdy changing clothes. He couldn't count the number of times he and Kurdy shared a room or even a _shower_ if water was scarce, and Jeremiah had never felt the urge to look. That he kept staring now, just when Kurdy's flirting was beginning to drive him crazy, made him feel like a complete idiot. He had no idea when it had started, or how long it had taken him to notice it, but he finally admitted to himself that he enjoyed looking at Kurdy.

Jeremiah suddenly realized that Kurdy had noticed he was watching him. He flushed and moved towards the sink, muttering, "Sorry."

"Why?" Kurdy asked calmly, his voice gentle and soothing. "You can look if you want to, Jeremiah. I don't mind."

Jeremiah lifted the bucket up into the sink and then leaned his hands on the counter, not looking towards Kurdy. "I don't understand why I want to, though. I mean, we've been traveling together for _years_ , man. Why is this happening now?"

"Maybe it wasn't supposed to happen until now." Kurdy walked over to the sink and reached for Jeremiah's arm, turning him around and then settling his hands on Jeremiah's shoulders to look into his eyes, smiling slightly. "Does it really matter?"

"Yeah. I mean, I guess." Jeremiah blinked, frowning with confusion as he paused to try and gather his thoughts. Having Kurdy so close had bothered him earlier and it still made his stomach roil in a fairly unpleasant way, but he wasn't uncomfortable enough to push him away. He tried for several minutes to figure out how to explain what he was feeling before he finally said softly, "I don't get what's going on in my own head, Kurdy. That bothers me, a lot."

"Maybe you need to just do like Smith said and stop thinking so hard," Kurdy replied, giving Jeremiah's shoulders a squeeze.

"I'm not sure I know how."

Kurdy smiled. "Well, start small. What do you want to do right now? Not what you _should_ do, or what you think you're _supposed_ to do, but what you _want_ to do."

Jeremiah blinked and just stood there as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do. He hadn't really thought about it like that in a long time. There had been so much he _had_ to do since he met Kurdy, so much that he _should_ do, or that he felt _compelled_ to do... Jeremiah hadn't done much at all in the last few years just because he _wanted_ to. There had been the time he spent with the girl with the boat, and Libby, and that trip with Kurdy and Smith to deliver radios, but there hadn't been much more. Jeremiah had done things he enjoyed, sure, but they usually weren't his idea.

After a little while Jeremiah finally met Kurdy's gaze again. "Part of me wants to just run, but that wouldn't fix anything." He paused slightly and then admitted, "And most of the rest would just like to stop being so lost. I hate it. I feel like I don't even _know_ myself anymore, man. It's really starting to freak me out."

Kurdy gave his shoulders a careful squeeze. "Can I help?"

"I don't know. Just--" Jeremiah broke off and looked into Kurdy's eyes a moment before he said hesitantly, "I'm supposed to let you take care of me, according to Smith. You've never steered me wrong before."

"Well, I think you need to relax," Kurdy replied, moving around to push Jeremiah towards the fire. "Change into something you can sleep in, Jeremiah."

Jeremiah's eyes widened but he let Kurdy push him along. "And what are you going to do?"

Kurdy let go once he was sure Jeremiah was moving and walked over to the bed, sitting down to pull on his boots. "I'm going to go find out if the door to the outhouse is frozen shut yet." He stood and gave Jeremiah a crooked grin. "Relax, man. Get comfortable and try to forget all the stuff that's bothering you. I won't be long."

Jeremiah watched Kurdy walk to the door and grab his coat off of a nearby nail, and then a moment later the door closed behind him and Jeremiah was alone. "Relax, he says." Jeremiah snorted and started shrugging out of his coat, muttering to himself, "Like it's just that easy." He threw the coat down by his bedroll, following it with the sweater he had put on for the trip out to get a bucket of water before the ice got too thick to break.

He sat down on his bedroll then and began untying his boots, picking the knot out of the wet leather laces with more patience than he actually felt. It only took him a few minutes to finish changing clothes after he got his boots off, and he was soon wearing a t-shirt with his sweater over it and the old long johns he sometimes slept in at home. He didn't unroll his bedroll yet because he didn't want to make an issue out of it. He had a sinking feeling that Kurdy was going to suggest sleeping together when he came back, and as cold as it was, Jeremiah couldn't really think of a good reason not to.

Jeremiah couldn't stand to just wait for Kurdy so he added some wood to the fire, banking it so it would burn slowly. There was plenty of wood to keep it going for a few days, but they might wind up needing it with the way it was snowing outside.

Kurdy's teeth were chattering when he stepped back into the cabin, clutching his trench coat around him. "Who in their right mind puts the outhouse so fucking far away if it snows like this even in _July_?"

Jeremiah laughed slightly despite how freaked out he still felt and turned to look at Kurdy. "I dunno, it was there when I found the place."

Kurdy hung his coat up and brushed what snow he could out of his braids as he walked over to join Jeremiah at the fire. "Well, whoever he was, he was a damned fool. It's _cold_ out there."

Jeremiah didn't argue with that, instead watching Kurdy shiver and rub his bare arms as he tried not to think about what would happen next. It wasn't unusual for them to change out of traveling clothes if they would be taking a few days off somewhere, but this time it felt different. Jeremiah had shared a room with Kurdy at the Mountain hundreds of times and worn nothing but a pair of ragged boxers around him without feeling odd, but this time even sweats, a t-shirt, _and_ a sweater made him feel naked.

Kurdy noticed Jeremiah watching him after a few moments and gave him a reassuring grin. "Hey man, relax. You can trust me, remember?"

Jeremiah nodded and looked away. "I know, just--" He shrugged. "Hell, I don't know." He let out a little sound that might have been intended as a laugh and changed the subject. "Now what?"

"Now I'm going to bed." Kurdy started towards the rumpled bed, adding, "You can join me or not. Either way, it's up to you, Jeremiah. No matter what Smith told you, I think we both know you're too freaked out for anything to happen between us anytime soon."

Jeremiah felt relieved as he turned to watch Kurdy straightening the pile of quilts on the bed. "Do you _want_ me to join you?"

Kurdy glanced at him as he folded back the blankets, then turned and sat on the edge of the bed, watching Jeremiah as he pulled off his boots. When he was barefoot again he was still for a moment before he said quietly, "I wanted you to join me last night, Jeremiah, and plenty of nights before that. There's room and we'll both sleep better." He smiled and added teasingly, "You kept me up half the night fussing about the floor, and you about froze me to death when you decided to wake me up this morning."

Jeremiah just stared at Kurdy for a minute or two before he finally nodded. "Alright. Let's get it over with before I talk myself out of it." He turned and walked over to blow out the small kerosene lamp on the table.

Kurdy's lips twitched slightly in amusement but he managed not to laugh. When Jeremiah decided to do something, he'd do it even if it killed him. "Outside, or wall?"

"Wall," Jeremiah replied, turning to walk back towards the bed as he tugged off his sweater. "If I'm on the outside I think I'll probably run."

"You don't have to do this, Jeremiah." Kurdy stood to let Jeremiah get into bed, watching closely in the firelight as Jeremiah dropped the sweater on his bedroll. "You don't have to prove anything to me."

"Maybe I have to prove something to me." Jeremiah gave Kurdy a crooked little smile then climbed onto the bed, which suddenly seemed much smaller as he scooted towards the wall.

Kurdy waited until Jeremiah seemed settled and then laid down next to him and tugged the thick quilts up over them, making sure to give Jeremiah as much room as he could. "G'night."

Jeremiah took a slow deep breath and then let it out, trying to ignore how shaky it was and the nervous fluttering in his stomach. "Night, Kurdy." He prodded the ragged blanket that Kurdy had folded as a pillow, bunching it up a bit more before he was still, trying to calm his racing heart so he could sleep.

Kurdy tucked one arm behind his head and relaxed, listening to Jeremiah breathe. He was still wide-awake long after Jeremiah's breathing had slowed into sleep, and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like half the night wondering if Smith had helped Jeremiah or just made things much worse.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Jeremiah woke up well before dawn the next morning, blinking blearily and feeling like something was wrong but not quite able to figure out what. He was warm and comfortable, but as he woke up more he was surprised to see the dim shape of the wall in front of him. That wasn't quite right because he was leaning back against something.

A moment later it registered that what he was leaning against was warmer than he was and surprisingly comfortable, and that there were arms wrapped loosely around his waist. He froze when he felt the tickle of warm breath against his neck and hardly dared to breathe for a few moments before he began trying to make himself relax again. ' _It's just Kurdy,_ ' he thought, ' _he said he wouldn't-- … He's just_ sleeping _. I can_ handle _sleeping._ '

He had almost succeeded in calming himself down when Kurdy purred softly near his ear and tightened his arms around Jeremiah's waist, mumbling, "G'back t' sleep. S'too early."

Jeremiah managed a nod and tried again to relax, and he surprised himself by falling asleep after just a few minutes. The way he was laying the next time he woke up was even more unexpected. He had rolled over in his sleep and was nose-to-nose with Kurdy, who had a soft smile on his face and seemed to have been watching him sleep. Kurdy's arms were still around him and Jeremiah felt his face heating up when he realized that he had his arms around Kurdy, too. Evidently when he wasn't awake enough to talk himself out of it, Jeremiah liked to cuddle even with men.

Jeremiah couldn't think of a thing to say so he just stared into Kurdy's eyes. His brain was telling him that waking up like this with Kurdy should be awkward and weird, but it slowly dawned on him that he didn't feel the urge to get away, not really. It was a little embarrassing to wake up in Kurdy's arms, but it didn't feel _bad_.

Even the embarrassment went away after a little while, and he gradually began to realize he enjoyed the feel of Kurdy's strong back under his hands almost as much as he liked having Kurdy's arms around him. In the past it would have been scary to Jeremiah just how _right_ it felt to touch another man, but that morning he tried not to panic and he eventually realized that waking up in Kurdy's arms just made him feel safe and warm, as corny as that was. He was surprised to realize after a little while that he had relaxed again without even trying.

"Good morning," Kurdy murmured eventually, smiling and feeling a bit smug. He thought it was a good sign that Jeremiah was awake and hadn't pulled away. "Sleep good?"

Jeremiah nodded and gave Kurdy a crooked smile, bemused by how obviously pleased Kurdy was. "Yeah. I haven't slept like that in forever."

"I'm glad," Kurdy replied as his smile widened. "Not feeling like you need to freak out and run anymore?"

"Not right now." Jeremiah returned the smile, and the amusement in his brown eyes made them sparkle even in the dim light of the tiny, dirty window over the sink. "I guess Smith was right, I just needed to trust you."

"I _am_ the smart one," Kurdy replied with a grin.

Jeremiah laughed. "Not even close, man."

Kurdy smirked and ran his fingertips over the soft cotton covering Jeremiah's ribs just to see if he was ticklish, and he was surprised when Jeremiah actually _squeaked_ and tried to get away. "Ah-ha! Gotcha now," Kurdy said, laughing as he tickled him some more.

Jeremiah started laughing even as he knocked Kurdy's hands away from his ribs and scooted back towards the wall. "No fair! I don't have anywhere to run!"

Kurdy grinned wickedly, propping himself up on one elbow. "I'm gonna be nice and not tickle you anymore, then." He paused slightly and then added, "Right now."

"If you _ever_ tell anyone I'm ticklish, I'll kill you."

Jeremiah's grin didn't quite go with his words, and Kurdy laughed as he reached his free hand slowly towards Jeremiah again. "You'd murder me for _that_? Man, I thought I knew you better than that..."

Jeremiah tucked one hand under his cheek and settled comfortably, smiling. "Yeah, well, you thought wrong. That's my one secret and it better stay that way." He chuckled slightly, then added, "I haven't been tickled since I was-- Jesus. Nine? Maybe ten?"

Kurdy's eyebrows went up. "You're shitting me!" He laughed, wondering if Jeremiah had even noticed that his hand was resting on Jeremiah's waist again. "I'll have to fix that. Momma always told me that getting tickled is good for what ails you."

"I don't know that I like that idea," Jeremiah said, trying to frown even though he really wanted to grin for some reason. "Letting someone tickle you is just..." He trailed off, trying to think of a way to put it into words. He finally shrugged one shoulder. "Too much, I guess. I'm not that close to anyone but you."

Kurdy smiled and began slowly stroking Jeremiah's side with his thumb. "I won't tell a soul then, as long as I'm allowed to tickle you sometimes. I like watching you laugh."

Jeremiah blinked as he realized that Kurdy was touching him again, but it wasn't unpleasant and after a moment he smiled slowly. "That's alright, I guess." He started to say something more but managed to keep his mouth shut at the last second when he realized he was about to admit that he liked Kurdy touching him. He didn't want to make any more revelations he had barely figured out yet himself, so he decided being quiet was a really good idea.

They just watched each other for a little while before Kurdy asked softly, "Do you trust me, Jeremiah?"

Jeremiah nodded, slightly wary but not a tenth as worried as he would have been the night before. "Yeah, why?"

Kurdy smiled a little wider. "Close your eyes."

Jeremiah watched him for a moment longer and then let out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding and closed his eyes. He tried hard to ignore the fluttery feeling that was suddenly back stronger than ever. He was so nervous that he was nearly ready to jump out of his skin, but it surprised him to realize after a moment that he wasn't really scared. He began to relax again then, reminding himself that he could trust Kurdy and that Kurdy had said he wouldn't push him. He felt the bed shift and tensed up again, then inhaled sharply at the feel of lips brushing softly against his.

Jeremiah was too surprised to respond, didn't even realize he _wanted_ to until it was too late and Kurdy had already pulled away. He licked his lips and then opened his eyes, and he barely had a chance to focus on Kurdy's face before Kurdy kissed him again. He surprised himself almost as much as he surprised Kurdy when he responded warmly, letting his eyes flutter closed again.

Jeremiah had kissed a lot of girls, but women just didn't kiss the way Kurdy was kissing him. He couldn't have put what was different into words if his life depended on it, but he knew he liked it. It wasn't a dominance thing, not really. It was something much less tangible than who was calling the shots, and he knew instinctively that it was much more important. Part of his brain was still insisting that this wasn't the way things were supposed to be between them, but kissing Kurdy felt so good that Jeremiah didn't have any trouble ignoring his doubts this time.

Kurdy's lips were soft against his and felt so good, so _right_ , that Jeremiah was suddenly sure that this what he needed, what he _wanted_ , whether it made sense or not. He stopped trying to think at all and gently bit Kurdy's full lower lip, sucking it softly. Kurdy purred, sliding his hand from Jeremiah's waist to his back to urge him closer as he licked lightly at Jeremiah's upper lip. Jeremiah licked out to touch his tongue to Kurdy's, shuddering slightly at the surge of desire he felt and then finally starting to pull away.

Kurdy didn't try to follow him, instead watching with a gentle smile. "That wasn't so scary," he murmured, "Was it?"

"Scary how much I liked it, maybe," Jeremiah replied just as softly, looking into Kurdy's eyes. He realized that he had moved his hands to Kurdy's shoulders while they kissed. He had the urge to run his hands over the firm curves of muscle and slip his arms around Kurdy to move a little closer, and he didn't even try to fight it.

Kurdy smiled wider, pleased, and ran his hand slowly over Jeremiah's back. He loved the feel of Jeremiah's lean muscular body under his palms finally, even with the thin cotton shirt, but he was careful not to go too fast or too far. Jeremiah was obviously becoming used to the idea of them touching each other, but Kurdy was sure that forgetting himself and grabbing Jeremiah's ass would be a quick way to change that. "Are you planning to run?"

Jeremiah smiled suddenly and repeated the answer he had given earlier. "Not right now." He leaned closer, sliding one hand slowly down Kurdy's side as he added, "But you can ask me again tomorrow."

Kurdy's chuckle faded away into a pleased purr when Jeremiah kissed him again, slowly licking at Kurdy's lips a moment later. Jeremiah started out hesitantly, unsure of himself and of Kurdy, but it didn't take him long to relax again once he realized that Kurdy was letting him take the lead. How much he enjoyed kissing and touching Kurdy surprised him, but he was even more surprised by how much he enjoyed Kurdy's responses.

It was easy to forget that he had been so nervous and just enjoy what was happening, and soon Jeremiah wasn't thinking at all as his hands and lips began to roam more freely. Kurdy was a little taller and much more muscular than Jeremiah was, but Jeremiah soon realized that Kurdy's ass fit into the palms of his hands perfectly. Kurdy's response to him squeezing the full curves was a deep groan that made Jeremiah chuckle soft and low, pleased with himself. He was glad that he wasn't the only one who had liked that.

When Jeremiah tugged Kurdy's shirt up a few minutes later, wanting to touch more of his skin, Kurdy didn't argue at all. He sat up just long enough to pull the shirt off and throw it aside, then leaned down to kiss Jeremiah again, licking into his mouth with a soft little purring growl. Jeremiah ran his hands up Kurdy's sides as he smiled into the kiss, enjoying the feel of firm smooth muscles under his hands almost as much as he liked the way their tongues felt sliding against each other.

Kurdy pulled away suddenly and sat up again, looking into Jeremiah's eyes as he tugged at Jeremiah's shirt and murmured, "Let me take this off, baby."

Jeremiah sat up, letting Kurdy pull the shirt up and off without a word before he leaned in to nuzzle Kurdy's throat, licking into the hollow with a pleased sound as he ran his hands slowly over Kurdy's chest. Kurdy groaned again, running his hands over Jeremiah's back and shoulders, the gasped as he felt Jeremiah's fingers stroking lightly over the rings in his nipples.

Jeremiah pulled back a bit to look into Kurdy's eyes as he murmured, "Does that hurt?"

"Hell no," Kurdy replied, smiling warmly and leaning to kiss Jeremiah lingeringly before he whispered against his lips, "I love it."

Jeremiah purred and ran his fingertips over the silver rings again, his voice soft and teasing as he murmured against Kurdy's lips, "I'll have to remember that."

 

~*~*~

 

Kurdy was nuzzling just below Jeremiah's ear much later in the morning when Jeremiah finally couldn't stand it anymore. He had been trying to ignore the fact that he needed to go to the bathroom for a long while, but even how good his hard-on felt nestled against the curve of Kurdy's hip wasn't enough to distract him anymore. He had to go _now_.

"Let me up, man," Jeremiah murmured softly, amused and a little bit frustrated. "I've _got_ to go outside."

Kurdy groaned but pulled away just enough to look down at Jeremiah as he shifted to rub against the hard length pressed into his hip, earning a little strangled noise from Jeremiah. "Are you sure?" Kurdy asked, hips moving slowly again as he enjoyed watching the way Jeremiah's eyes went all unfocused and vague.

"Oh fuck yes," Jeremiah gasped, hips lifting even as he pushed at Kurdy's chest feebly with one hand. "Stop that."

"But I was enjoying myself," Kurdy said with a little smirk, holding still but not pulling away yet.

"I was enjoying you, too, but I have _got_ to go piss." Jeremiah shoved Kurdy's chest harder, looking a little desperate as he added, " _Now_."

Kurdy laughed and rolled off of him, throwing back the blankets as he sat up. The cold air suddenly hitting his skin made him shiver as he muttered, "Damn it's cold in here."

Jeremiah crawled past him off the bed and stepped into Kurdy's boots, then grabbed his shirt out of the floor and started towards the door. "Fire's out, of course it's cold."

Kurdy grinned, enjoying the view of Jeremiah's lean hips and the way the muscles in his back moved as Jeremiah tugged his shirt on. "You better hurry back with my boots!"

Jeremiah paused to grin at Kurdy as he pulled Kurdy's long coat off the nail by the door, wanting the extra length to help cut the wind. "I won't be long." He opened the door, letting in a blast of cold air and sunshine, and wrapped the coat tightly around himself. He had barely taken one step outside before an icicle dripped down the back of his neck, making him yelp and jump.

Kurdy snickered as the door closed and stood to stretch slowly, then shivered again and went to retrieve his shirt from the floor. He pulled it on even though the shirt didn't help much in the chilly cabin and then started towards the fire to get it going again. Piling extra wood on and banking it could only do so much when the wood was already split, so the fire had long since gone out. After a good look at the fire he decided a large chunk of damp fir would have burned through the night, so he would go out before dark and haul in a couple of the logs Jeremiah hadn't split yet. He hadn't wanted to leave Jeremiah alone in bed while they were both warm and comfortable under the pile of quilts, and he doubted he would want to tonight either.

Ten minutes later, Kurdy had fires blazing in the fireplace and the stove and was just about to go yell for Jeremiah to bring back his boots and coat when the door opened. Jeremiah walked inside carrying what looked like a large chunk of ice, snow in his hair and dusted all over the coat even though Kurdy would have sworn it wasn't snowing when Jeremiah stepped outside.

"What's that for?" Kurdy asked, amused. "And what happened to you?"

"It's the venison I hung in the tree out front," Jeremiah replied, smiling wryly. "I nearly broke my neck stumbling over it. It fell and got snowed on."

"A lot from the looks of it," Kurdy agreed, grinning. "Now give me back my boots, it's my turn."

Jeremiah kicked off Kurdy's boots with a snicker and then laid the frozen venison on the hearth so he could take off Kurdy's leather duster. "Might as well not bother going out back. I slogged all the way around there to find a drift about four feet tall in front of the outhouse. I'm sure the door's froze shut."

"Sounds like our luck." Kurdy stepped into his boots while Jeremiah was taking off the duster and then took the proffered coat with a quick grin. "Thanks." He pulled the coat on as he headed for the door even faster than Jeremiah had left earlier, ignoring Jeremiah's snicker.

Jeremiah turned back to the hearth to pick up the venison again and carry the dripping chunk of meat over to the sink to begin scraping away the snow and ice with a dull old knife that had been left behind by someone else. It was a hunting knife that had never been quality work to begin with and looked like it had been used to chop firewood several times since. There were nicks in the blade deep enough that it couldn't be smoothed out without a lot of work on a grinding wheel, so it wasn't worth re-sharpening even though it was still good enough for chipping through ice. With a water-source that froze most nights year 'round, breaking ice was a constant thing.

Jeremiah was a surprised to realize after a little while that he was still grinning even though hacking away ice and frozen blood really wasn't that much fun. He could hardly believe the abrupt left turn his life had taken in the last few days, but it suddenly dawned on him that he felt better than he had in months. He hadn't caught himself just randomly grinning in a long time, not since-- He chuckled softly to himself. Since the day that he told Gina that if he ran the world, he'd be on the road with Kurdy. At the time, he hadn't meant it quite the way he would if asked the same thing again, but he'd still rather spend time with Kurdy than anyone else he could think of.

Smith might be a headcase, but Jeremiah realized suddenly that he owed Smith a big favor. Once Jeremiah had stopped fighting himself and really trusted Kurdy like Smith told him to, all the things that had kept him jumping out of his skin seemed to sort themselves out. He figured everything else would probably work out as well as kissing had, whether Kurdy had actually fucked a guy before or not. Jeremiah might not have ever had sex with another _guy_ , but that didn't mean he had no idea what they could do with each other. Jeremiah had already tried most of it out with women, some of it even in that very cabin. Being snowed in could get very boring if you didn't have some way to pass the time.

It still seemed a little strange to Jeremiah, who had a well-deserved reputation as a control freak, but it had felt good to just relax and let Kurdy, well, take care of him.

He snorted a laugh, amused, and flipped what was left of the deer to scrape the ice off the other side. Smith had _said_ God wanted Jeremiah to let Kurdy take care of him, so liking it probably shouldn't surprise him as much as it did. He would definitely have to figure out some way to pay Smith back. He might even have to pay attention to what Smith said from now on, no matter how crazy he might sound.

Kurdy opened the door and came back inside, stomping snow off of his boots and shivering as he took off his coat. "Damned snow's two feet deep out there, Jeremiah. If it snows like that every night we're gonna be _popsicles_ by the time Steve gets more gas."

Jeremiah grinned a little wider but didn't look up from what he was doing. "I think we can figure out a way to stay warm."

Kurdy walked over to rest his hands on Jeremiah's hips and nuzzle behind Jeremiah's ear with his very cold nose, smirking and muttering, "Think so, huh?"

Jeremiah laughed and squirmed, ducking away. "Damn, Kurdy! Your nose is _freezing_."

"Not to mention the rest of me," Kurdy replied, grinning as he moved to lean against the sink between Jeremiah and the stove. "It's gotta be ten below out there."

Jeremiah snickered. "Nah, at ten below you'd be pissing icecubes."

"Now _there's_ a mental image for you." Kurdy laughed and added, "Sounds painful."

"When piss freezes before it hits the ground, you're already so cold you barely notice." Jeremiah nodded towards the bed with another grin, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Go get my knife, would you?"

"Sure." Kurdy pushed away from the counter and walked over to where Jeremiah's beat-up old boots were laying between his bedroll and the bed. He bent to tug Jeremiah's hunting knife out of the top of the left boot, asking, "When are you gonna get some real boots?"

"When I get rid of my leather pants."

Kurdy laughed and walked back to the sink, grinning. "In other words, when Hell freezes over and pigs grow wings and fly, right?"

Jeremiah grinned and took the knife. "Yep." He started to cut away what was left of the backstrap for their breakfast, mostly just prying apart the frozen carcass so he could cut the connective tissue because the actual meat was still too hard to cut easily. "Think we should go ahead and cook the rest, or put it back out in the snow?"

"Might as well let it cook," Kurdy said with a shrug, smiling. "We can put it back outside to keep if we don't eat it fast enough." He had been sure that he had seen all of Jeremiah's moods, but he didn't remember ever seeing him so obviously relaxed. He liked it. A lot.

Jeremiah nodded. "Works for me."

 

~*~*~

 

Kurdy came back from wiping out the breakfast dishes with snow to find Jeremiah sitting at the table with his notebook, writing. Kurdy stacked the tin plates and the frying pan on the small counter by the sink, then held his hands near the stove as he glanced at Jeremiah. "Writing your dad?"

Jeremiah glanced up with a slight smile and then went back to writing, his expression as peaceful as Kurdy had seen it in a long time. "Not really. Just writing."

"Cool." Kurdy watched Jeremiah for a few minutes as he got warm again, amused as always by the way Jeremiah curled his left hand around when he wrote. He finally moved away from the stove to walk over to his duffle and dig out a book and a battered candle. He rummaged in the bag for a small tin dish he carried to put the candle on and then sat on the edge of the bed to take off his boots. He was soon sprawled on the bed with the candle on his chest, reading a hardcover edition of _Alas, Babylon_ that he had borrowed from Edgar the last time they were in Denver.

Jeremiah paused in his writing to look over at Kurdy after a while and smiled. Even by day the single dirty window only dimly illuminated the cabin, but he was still surprised to see Kurdy reading with a candle on his chest. The soft light made Kurdy's expressive face seem almost serene, and Jeremiah found himself wanting to just stare.

Kurdy was still just Kurdy, but Jeremiah was soon noticing things that he never had before when he watched Kurdy read. Kurdy's necklace had slipped up against his throat and the shifting glint of candlelight on the pendant caught Jeremiah's attention as he remembered how much he liked the way that particular hollow tasted. The slow movement of Kurdy's hand turning a page made Jeremiah think of how soft those hands had been on his skin, how gentle those fingers had been while cupping his face as they kissed. Kurdy's sudden smile at something in the book drew attention to his full lips and Jeremiah suddenly realized that he wanted to kiss him again.

Jeremiah looked back down at his notebook, but he couldn't remember what he was going to say anymore. A letter no one would ever read suddenly seemed much less important than it had when he felt the urge to write. Putting his thoughts down on paper helped him think sometimes, but he didn't really want to think anymore. He wanted to go crawl back into bed with Kurdy.

He glanced over at the bed again and found Kurdy watching him. "Good book?" Jeremiah asked softly.

Kurdy nodded and smiled. "Pretty good, yeah. It's about how life would have been after a nuclear war that never happened."

"Nuclear war?" Jeremiah smiled. "Sounds depressing."

"Parts of it are," Kurdy agreed. "Still, it was an important book. I remember when my babysitter had to read it for school, back before the Death. She went on and on about how stupid it was that it was required reading."

"Required, huh?" Jeremiah asked, closing his notebook and standing to blow out the lamp, then turning to walk over to the bed.

Kurdy nodded. "Yep." He tucked a piece of tattered ribbon in the book and closed it, smiling as he watched Jeremiah walk towards him. "There's a lot of stuff about survival and rebuilding a society in it. I guess they wanted kids to understand what it might be like, but then the end wasn't anything like they thought it would be."

Jeremiah put his knee on the edge of the bed and reached for the book, then leaned to put it in the floor by the bed before he blew out the candle put it next to the book. He smiled at Kurdy and moved closer to him as he murmured, "You'll have to tell me all about it sometime."

"I'd like that," Kurdy replied with a smile, his dark eyes soft and gentle as he reached for Jeremiah.

Jeremiah leaned over him, planting one hand next to Kurdy's shoulder as he lowered his head to kiss him softly, then brushed his stubbled cheek along Kurdy's as he murmured, "You mind the interruption?"

"Nah." Kurdy settled one hand on Jeremiah's back and put the other on his shoulder, turning his head to nuzzle Jeremiah's jaw. "You're my favorite kind."

Jeremiah chuckled and pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "Of interruption?"

Kurdy smirked. "Of course." He slid his hand around to the nape of Jeremiah's neck and pulled him down for another kiss. He was surprised that Jeremiah had come to join him in bed again without any urging, but he was definitely pleased by it, too. Evidently Jeremiah had come to terms with the way he felt, or was at least beginning to.

It really was all going to work out.

 

~ End

 


End file.
